totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
