when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
