belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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