That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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