I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
this just has baby written all over it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
