The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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