ADVERTISEMENT

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.

  Fav 15 1216 2507

  share tweet
  

• (858): View more from California

  he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order

  Fav 2 926 2221

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (813): View more from Florida

  i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.

  Fav 17 4280 1698

  share tweet
  

• (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

  Fav 56 2420 10067

  share tweet
  

• (515): View more from Iowa

  Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.

  Fav 14 6054 1703

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed

  Fav 21 5387 1211

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (315): View more from New York

  I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"

  Fav 20 8984 1645

  share tweet
  

• (480): View more from Arizona

  A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

  Fav 11 8752 1331

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"

  Fav 5 1417 690

  share tweet
  

• (+61): View more from Australia

  who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive

  Fav 0 1011 544

  share tweet
  

• (574): View more from Indiana

  I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.

  Fav 7 1358 542

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (319): View more from Iowa

  I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.

  Fav 1 606 955

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.

  Fav 3 23 132

  share tweet
  

• (719): View more from Colorado

  Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.

  Fav 0 127 26

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (812): View more from Indiana

  I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night

  Fav 0 307 564

  share tweet
  

Randomize