just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
