She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
