it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
