Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
