Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
