Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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