it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
