apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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