I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
