i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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