He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
tell me about the eggs
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