At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
