I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
