I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
