He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
