lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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