Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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