Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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