Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
