If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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