Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
