her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize