Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
