dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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