hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
