did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
