i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wish there were birth control emojis
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
