just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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