just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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