I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
