I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
