I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
