We won't sleep together?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize