Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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