Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize