My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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