Apparently you make a good broom.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
