Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
