Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
