I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
