I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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