I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
