I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize