my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
