we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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