I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
