$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
