Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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