There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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