Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
