i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
