Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
