Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
