Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
