you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
