I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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