I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize