I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
