oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
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