i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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