My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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