I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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